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You
Tube - Fast Links
Let 'Em in an amazing warning video
clip (Global Action International).
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SCHOOL 1967
VERSUS 2007
Scenario: Jack
goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school
parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1967
- Vice principal comes over to
look
at Jack's shotgun. He goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2007 -
School goes into lock down, and FBI
is called. Jack is hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun
again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.
Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a
fistfight after school.
1967 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny
and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. Nobody goes to jail;
nobody is arrested; nobody is expelled.
2007 - Police called. SWAT team arrives.
Johnny and Mark are arrested and charged with assault. Both are
expelled even though Johnny started it.
Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class,
disrupts other students.
1967 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a
good paddling by the principal. He returns to class, sits still, and
does not disrupt class again.
2007
- Jeffrey is diagnosed with ADD and
given huge doses of ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School gets extra money
from state because Jeffrey has a learning disability.
Scenario: Billy breaks a
window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his
belt.
1967 - Billy is more
careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and be comes a
successful businessman.
2007 - Billy's dad is
arrested for child abuse. Billy is placed in foster care and joins a
gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being
abused herself, and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair
with psychologist .
Scenario: Mark
gets a
headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1967 - Mark shares
aspirin with principal out on the smoking dock.
2007 - Police called.
Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. Car is searched for
drugs and weapons.
Scenario: Pedro fails
high school English.
1967 - Pedro goes to
summer school, passes English, goes to college.
2007 - Pedro's cause is
taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that
teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files
class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English
teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given a diploma
anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak
English.
Scenario:
Johnny
takes
apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model
airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.
1967 - Ants die.
2007 - Bureau of Alcohol,
Tobacco and Firearms, Homeland Security, and FBI called. Johnny is
charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigates parents; siblings
are removed from home; computers confiscated. Johnny's dad goes on a
terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.
Scenario: Johnny falls
while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by
his teacher, Heather. Heather hugs him to comfort him.
1967 - In a short time,
Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2007 - Heather is accused
of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in
state prison. Johnny undergoes five years of therapy.
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Discrimination At
School
Teacher says to
the first
child 'hello Becky, what have you been doing this playtime?'
Becky replies ' I have
been playing in the sand box'
'Very good' says the
teacher 'if you can spell 'sand' on the blackboard, I will give you a
biscuit'
Becky duly goes and
writes 'sand' on the blackboard.
'Very good' says the
teacher and gives Becky a biscuit.
The teacher then says
'Freddie, what have you been doing in your playtime?'
Freddie replies 'playing
with Becky in the sand box'
'Very good' says
the
teacher. ' If you can spell 'box' on the blackboard, I will also give
you a biscuit'
Freddie duly goes and
writes 'box' on the blackboard.
'Very good' says the
teacher and gives Freddie a biscuit.
Teacher then says 'Hello
Mohammed, have you been playing in the sand box with Becky and Freddie?'
'No' replies Mohammed, 'I
wanted to, but they would not let me. Every time I went near them they
started throwing stones at me and calling me
nasty names'
'Oh dear' says the
teacher. 'That sounds like blatant racial discrimination to me - I tell
you what, if you can spell 'blatant racial discrimination' I will give
you a biscuit'
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Browse
this page and regain your sanity with a few good laughs!
It
didn't take long for the humour to engulf Australia's
new Prime
Minister Kevin Rudd and his sidekick
Julia
Gillard
_______________________________________________
And the winner is ...
Muhammad the traveling bear
Muhammed the travelling bear from Sudan would like
to travel all over
the world to show sensible people everywhere just how stupid radical
Islam really is.
On his travels Muhammad bear is hoping to meet up with the Dalai Lama
Bear, Jesus Bear, Buddha Bear and a whole lot of other peacefull little
bears.
If he
visits you please send
him on!
You can send this whole
page
by just pasting this link:
http://www.globalactint.com/Humour.html
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I
purchased a
Teddy Bear this morning for
the princely sum of $10.
I named him Mohammed.
This afternoon I sold him on E-Bay for $30.
My question is, "Have I made a
prophet?"
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ENLIGHTENMENT
by Valerie Bittner
Oh
to be a 'moderate', the darling of the age
The focus of the limelight, the centre of
the stage;
Lauded by the media, courted by the press,
Beloved by politicians in their times of
stress
How to be this wonderous thing has given
me much thought,
The secret of such acclaim I've studiously
sought;
And now I think I've found the key and
would this joy impart
To all those who seek not to 'upset the
apple-cart'.
Black is White and White is Black; the
Moon is made of cheese;
A lie is truth and truths a lie if one
desires to please
Numb the senses, dull the wits, obey the
new decree;
The life-blood may be ebbing but the
cotton-wool is free.
Thus
have I now 'found' myself, my spirit born anew;
And all disruptive questioning I
henceforth eschew;
Let 'moderation' guide me to the truly
deserved fate
Planned carefully so long ago by the most
immoderate.
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Heaven and Hell
While on
his morning walk, Prime Minister Kevin Rudd falls over, has a heart
attack and dies because the "accident and emergency" dept at his
nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time.
So his soul arrives in Heaven and he is met by Saint Peter at the
Pearly Gates. 'Welcome to Heaven,' says Saint Peter, 'Before you
settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a Socialist
around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you.'
'No problem, just let me in; I'm a good Christian; I'm a
believer,' says the PM.
'I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from God. He says
that since the implementation of his new HEAVEN CHOICES policy,
you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must
choose where you'll live for eternity.'
'But I've already made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,'
replies Rudd
'I'm sorry .. But we have our rules,' Peter interjects. And, with
that, St. Peter escorts him to a lift and he goes down, down,
down ...all the way to Hell.
The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf
course.
The sun is shining in a cloudless sky. The temperature is a
perfect 22C degrees. In the distance is a beautiful club-house.
Standing in front of it is Gough Whitlam and thousands of other
Socialist luminaries who had helped him out over the years ---
Bob Hawke, Paul Keating, etc. The whole of the Labour Party leaders
were there ..
(and all the socialists from other
parts of the world..)
Everyone
laughing, happy, and casually but expensively dressed.
They
run to greet him, to hug him and to reminisce about the good
times they had getting rich at the expense of 'suckers and
peasants.'
They
play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.
The Devil himself comes up to Rudd with a frosty drink, 'Have a
tequila and relax, Kev!'
'Uh, I
can't drink anymore; I took a pledge,' says Rudd, dejectedly.
'This
is Hell, son. You can drink and eat all you want and not worry
and it just gets better from there!'
Rudd
takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he
thinks is a really very friendly bloke who tells funny jokes
like himself and pulls hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like the ones
the Labour Party pulled with their master strokes on Education,
Immigration, Petrol prices, Tough on Crime promises.
They
are having such a great time that, before he realises it, it's
time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Rudd steps
on the lift and heads upward.
When
the lift door reopens, he is in Heaven again and Saint Peter is
waiting for him. 'Now it's time to visit Heaven,' the old man
says, opening the gate.
So for
24 hours Rudd is made to hang out with a bunch of honest,
good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about
things other than money and treat each other decently. Not a
nasty prank or short-arse joke among them. No fancy country clubs
here and, while the food tastes great, it's not caviar or
lobster. And these people are all poor. He doesn't see anybody he
knows and he isn't even treated like someone special!
'Whoa,'
he says uncomfortably to himself. 'Gough Whitlam never prepared
me for this!'
The
day done, Saint Peter returns and says, 'Well, you've spent a day
in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live
for Eternity.'
With
the 'Deal or No Deal' theme playing softly in the background,
Rudd reflects for a minute ... Then answers: 'Well, I would never
have thought I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful
and all -- but I really think I belong in Hell with my
friends.'
So
Saint Peter escorts him to the lift and he goes down, down,
down, all the way to Hell.
The
doors of the lift open and he is in the middle of a barren
scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial
wasteland, looking a bit like the eroded, rabbit and fox
affected Australian outback, but worse and more desolate.
He is
horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained
together, picking up the roadside rubbish and putting it into
black plastic bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces
and hands black with grime.
The
Devil comes over to Rudd and puts an arm around his shoulder.' I
don't understand,' stammers a shocked Rudd, 'Yesterday I was here
and there was a golf course and a club-house and we ate lobster
and caviar and drank tequila. We lazed around and had a great
time.. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody
looks miserable!'
The
Devil looks at him, smiles slyly and purrs, 'Yesterday we were
campaigning; today you voted for us!
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| Find out more about our views on
the family ... |
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Find out more about our views on the environment
...
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Find out more about
our views on conservation ...
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Post Turtle: While
suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old Texas rancher, the doctor
struck up a conversation. Eventually the topic got around to Obama and
his bid to be our President.
The
old rancher said, 'Well, ya know,
Obama is a 'post turtle'.'
Not being familiar with the term, the
doctor asked him what a 'post turtle'
was. The old rancher
said, 'When you're driving down a
country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on
top, that's a 'post turtle'.'
The old
rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to
explain. 'You know he
didn't get up
there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to
do while he is up there, and you just wonder what kind of a dumb ass
put him up there in the first place.''
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The Last
Affair: It got crowded in heaven, so it was decided only
to accept people who'd had a really bad day on the day they died. On
the first morning when the policy was employed, St. Peter was standing
at the pearly gates and said to the first man in line, 'Tell me about
the day you died.'
The man said, 'Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an
affair, so I came home early from work one day to catch her in the
act. I searched all over the apartment, and couldn't find him
anywhere. So finally I went out on the balcony (we live on the 25th
floor) and found this man hanging over the edge by his
fingertips. So I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting
his hands. He fell, of course, but he landed in some bushes and lived.
So I went inside, got the refrigerator, and pushed it out over the
balcony and it crushed him.
The strain of the act, though, gave me a heart attack, and so I
died.' St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day and
that it was a crime of passion, so he let the man enter heaven.
He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. 'Well, sir,
it was awful. I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor
apartment, when I slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony
of the apartment beneath me, but then some maniac came out and started
pounding my fingers! I fell, of course, but I landed in some bushes and
lived! But then the guy came out and dropped a refrigerator on me!!'
St. Peter chuckles a bit, lets him into heaven, and decides that he
could really start to enjoy this job. 'Tell me about the day you died,'
he said to the third man. 'Okay, picture this. I'm naked, hiding inside
of a refrigerator...
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THE HONESTY TEST
This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By
giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.
The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which
you will have to make a decision.
Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.
Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.
THE
SITUATION:
You are in Queensland , Brisbane to be specific.
There is chaos all around you caused by a cyclone, with severe flooding.
This is a flood of biblical proportions.
You are a photo-journalist working for a major newspaper, and you're
caught in the middle of this epic disaster.
The situation is nearly hopeless. You are trying to shoot career-making
photos.
There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing into
the water.
Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.
THE TEST:
Suddenly, you see a man in the water.
He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the
debris.
You move closer... Somehow, the man looks familiar...
You suddenly realize who it is...
It's Kevin Rudd!
You notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever.
You have two options:
You can save his life, or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize
winning photo, documenting the death of one of the country's most
powerful men!
THE QUESTION:
Here is the question, and please give an honest answer...
Would you select high contrast colour film, or would you go with the
classic simplicity of black and white?
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